I knew this day was coming. It started on the day of Darlene's passing June 2, 2016. And with the subsequent passing of my Mom and Darlene's Mom, Betty, that was when I knew I would probably leave Texas. Most of my friends assumed it would be California. I thought it might be as well, even though I've never had an objective.
Time is interesting. In our daily experience, time doesn't seem to exist. I mean, without a clock or someone to remind you of where you need to be, or if you don't refer to what we've been taught, meaning what you know about the sun and the moon, sunrise, sunset, the shape of the Earth, etc...time in our daily experience doesn't exist. So when I think of events in my life, on the one hand, they seem like they happened yesterday. Isn't that your experience? We attribute time to it because that's what we're used to and our lives are dominated by time, but by itself, that experience is not related to time. Another example is I just turned 66 years old. Do I feel 66? My body feels 66. But in my mind, I'm 35, 25, 18, or 5. Name the age, and I can go there. Isn't that interesting? I think so. But we discount it because, well, that's crazy. Or is it?
Back to the story. So when Betty passed on August 15, 2022, I knew I would be going somewhere, I just didn't know where. On the heels of a horrific split with my wife after Darlene, I went through an awakening. Most people would refer to it as that or enlightening. Me, I call it a liberation or an unveiling. I'm not going to get into what happened, but I will address it later on. I will say that while the failure of the relationship is completely my fault, and traumatic, it was supposed to happen. Because of that failure, in addition to the other traumatic events in my life, all brought me here, and here is where I'm supposed to be. I mean I knew before anything ever came to fruition in that relationship, I knew what I was doing was wrong. And this goes back to the very beginning when we met. But I couldn't stop it. It was like a train was headed right for me and I couldn't move. This caused me to question who I was. I didn't recognize this person, and in addition, it wasn't who I wanted to be. So I guess an identity crisis of sorts. I went on to question everything.
One day a memory of a dream I had over 12 years ago before Darlene and I got together entered my mind. I was living in San Diego in 2010 and I had this recurring dream of me, a dog, in a truck at the beach. I was at the age I am now or in my 60s, gray-haired and peaceful. I remember thinking how random that was. But at the time I had no preconceived ideas as to where I was going to be then much like I feel now. Was that a seed for what's happening now? Of course. Most of the time we don't really pay attention to dreams or random thoughts. I didn't think of that dream for years.
So here we are. As I write this post, Portia and I are in Malibu Beach Ca taking in the spectacular views of the Pacific Ocean. We've been here the longest of anywhere so far since the day we left Dallas, on January 2, 2023. It's given me time to kind of settle in and be more contemplative. This blog will be all over the place with no real structure other than sharing my experiences with Portia and the world we see. I'm going to number the posts by order of publishing but they will not be in chronological order. You know that time thing doesn't work for me. I've always been on Mahoney time anyway, as my friends can attest! Lol!
Well, that's the first post, I just wanted to give some context. Until next time my friends.
Take good care.
Mahoney & Portia
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